Twentieth

I am turning 20 today. An age where I should be wiser (obviously), more organized, slimmer (hahaha), and generally just be a better person. I wish I could accomplished everything in a second -_- maybe I'll just tell you a little something on my birthday today. I managed to be completly alone at hone today! Yaaay!! Hahahaha, never in my entire life I have the guts to stay alone at home. This birthday was honeslty far from my expectation no cakes, no birthday song (again, obviously it's Ramadhan kareem hahaha), just wishes from a few friends and family. The older I got maybe I should be more aware to lower my expectation. It's okay, not that I'm complaining. I guess it's just the right time for me to really grow up and be more mature on everything, morover to understand people more and not to be selfish (because sometimes I still do). Birthdays are no longer about how much cakes and gifts I got, now on it's more about how much I can accomplished better things in life. I think I have more than enough birthday cakes to celebrate on my previous birthday, more than enough blowing candles and making a wish right before it.

For all the prayers and wishes that people sent me I realize that I have to be thankful to have them in my life. To have people that still remember my birthday and grant a little prayer for me, because who am I in this world, right? I think in this 20th birthday I really wanna see the world and travel a lot more. There's still so much things in this planet that I haven't seen. I grant myself so much prayer too, and to mention it here would require a hell lot of typing skill hahaha.

Maybe for one thing I will write about it. I want to love myself for myself. The older I become, the harder it is to love myself for who I am. I always feel something is wrong with me or I am no where near perfect. Looking back to the old days, I never satisfied for what I achieved, sometimes I feel worthless, in some ither time I feel like I'm just not enough. I understand nobody's perfect therefor I just want to love myself at my best and also my worst time. I think I'll be able to enjoy my life more. For all these years it feels like I'm looking for something I really miss but I don't know what so maybe it's the feeling of loving myself more.

In 20 years of this life, I learnt so much, I met so many amazing people, I achieved many different things, I have love the closest people to me so so so much until now, I have the most amazing best friend, I had fall and rise for myself, I had my heart broken, I have lost the people I love wholeheartedly, I have lived a colorful life and I feel so blessed.

From now on for the next 20 years and another 20 years and many other 20 years to come. Cheers for a better me!!